♥ Fatin.R

if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be.

2010-11-20T18:47:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i just don't know what's right anymore.

note to self:

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Something i have been struggling to practice. :'(

That place, that night, that look on your face, that feeling. I'd give anything just to replay them all.

when one door closes, the other opens.

2010-11-16T01:12:00.002+08:00

Goodbye asshole.

Hello mr-i-might-have-been-looking-for.

Being a little optimistic wont kill. RIGHT?

kau V.I.P di hati ku.

2010-09-25T12:56:00.002+08:00

LOL.

WOW. I mean like literally W.O.W. How time flies. In a blink of an eye, my four months summer break is coming to an end. And in this very four months time, a lot changed. Ohh myy....

.................................................................................. Can't seem to type out what I'm feeling right now...............................................................................................................................

............................................................................................................................................

OMG this is such a failure. signing off.

I feel nothing but happy.Lets hope this lasts.

Sometimes, not making a decision IS making a decision.

2010-09-13T12:02:00.003+08:00

Stay where you are, cos I wanna remember you for making me happy, even if its for a short while.

"Thinking about us, what we gonna be,

Open my eyes, it was only just a dream"

hush baby hush

you, of all people.

2010-09-05T14:38:00.003+08:00

I'm pretty sure I don't want you back. So yeah, get out of my face. Help me in making my life a whole lot easier for once please? JUST LEAVE, AND NEVER COME BACK.

Somethings are just not meant to be, digest that.

I really wanna move on, but I don't want it to happen for all the wrong reasons. Spare me more time please?:(

Surpressed anger.

2010-09-02T16:40:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU.

I made a promise that I would NOT ever be relying on anyone else but myself,

AND IM GONNA FUCKING MAKE SURE THAT THAT'S DEFINITELY HAPPENING.

WAIT FOR THE DAY WHEN ILL BE HAPPILY RUBBING IT IN YOUR UGLY ANNOYING FACE.FUCK YOU ONCE AGAIN, FUCK YOU!!!!!

I wonder,

2010-09-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

what makes a person significant in one's life?

Maybe, just maybe I ain't ready. Or so I thought.

All that I can conclude is, this little thing I call emotion, is certainly unstable. It's not constant. It's as fickle-minded as I am. Or perhaps confused instead?

Go with the flow, no?

2010-08-28T16:45:00.002+08:00

When people are scared, they build up a wall, a concrete one. But when they eventually get tired building one, they'll end up going with the flow.

Because, god knows the amount of strength you have to muster to be able to build up such a solid, unbreakable wall.

And right now, going with the flow seems just like the easiest way out.

Stay

2010-08-24T21:54:00.001+08:00

"Lost here in this moment

And time keeps slipping by

And if I could have just one wish

I'd have you by my side"

kerandoman

2010-08-09T01:03:00.002+08:00

I think i'm getting real sick with.. myself. ergh, I'm on the verge of breaking down. But hey, since when I'm not? LMFAO.

Sometimes,

2010-06-14T19:09:00.003+08:00

You just can't be getting all that you want.

*******************************

hell, who am I kidding? Things aren't going to change. I'm gonna have to start from scratch every single time. Every single time.

I don't even know myself anymore.

This. is. so. damn. hard.

T.T

Working brain.

2010-06-02T22:46:00.004+08:00

One good thing about having your heart all broken to the smallest pieces is that, you grow smarter. You become prudent, more than ever. And you bring to light the strongest part of you, the one that you would never discover if nothing like this took place.

I've made myself known to the fact that living by the rules and merely accepting the funny ways life has to offer are way harder than having to grow up. Growing up is easy, being responsible is utterly an option, you see. You can be an adult, but not acting like one. There's so many real life example that I don't even know where to begin with. How many would agree if I were to say, it's the intention that matters a lot? It's the state of mind. It's the willingness to move forward.

I don't intend to sound like a lifeless soul, but yeah, it disturbs me a lot when I have a 24/7 working mind. Apologies.:D

I need some sleep man.

I notice that, I confuse myself a lot lately. I've got UWE to blame on.

I gave up on labelling my post.

2010-05-31T23:59:00.002+08:00

You know what's awesome?

falling sick when your Tax & Tax planning exams is coming up in 2 days time.T.T

may god bless my tax.

You know what else is awesome?

When you have to execute what's right, what's supposed to be done.

Oh well, life is nothing but the bitchiest bitch I've ever encountered. heh.

'I stay in love with you'- Mariah Carey

When a heart breaks no it don't break even

2010-05-28T21:39:00.001+08:00

They say bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding.

I can't just erase you away.

2010-05-27T17:41:00.002+08:00

How do I put this nicely?

You see, I love you, and I wish so hard that things wouldn't have to end up this way, but if you are going to go on hurting me when you're hundred percent aware of the consequences, then I've to do what I've got to do.

God knows how upset am I just thinking about what might have happened had we handled this differently, had you behaved contrarily. But I guess you never cared. Have you?

And you know what's the worst thing? Even with all the cold treatment that I don't deserve to get, I still love you. And it doesn't change, even the slightest.

I don't know how I'm supposed to retaliate to this, neither do I know how am I supposed to hold on any longer.

I just know that, this can't go on forever and somebody needs to take a stand and decide. Once and for all. Once and for all.

homaigod.

2010-05-26T00:07:00.002+08:00

~~MANAGEMENT ACCOUNTING~~

Lega siod.

Which also means, that I have only one more paper to go, Tax and Tax planning. :D
I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait.

Internship at Ernst & Young, 4 months summer break, jalan jalan buang mase takde arah tujuan, shopping shopping, lepak lepak with kawan kawan and adik beradik and family. Maybe random trips too!

WOW.!

Exam mode 3.

2010-05-24T22:43:00.004+08:00

Allow me to demonstrate you how much i loathe Management Accounting;

I'm gonna face ADVANCED management accounting for my final year. *shooting myself*

Fatin, You've to like the subject Fatin. You've to like it. Like it. like it. like it. it. it. it.

Management Accounting paper tomoro at 4pm to 7 pm, wish me luck my dearest reader *cough*
Afterwards..........movie session. back to back, i SWEAR.

Come what may, My feelings for you never change. Ever.

exam mode 2

2010-05-22T19:44:00.003+08:00

Some people are just terrible when it comes to making others feel better.

well sis, You just have to prove yourself because at the end of the day, they'll shut up. :)

~~CORPORATE FINANCE~~

though i think i might have screwed up that paper . SIGH. SIGGHHHHHHH.

pray for me people, pray for me. :(

Exam mode.

2010-05-18T20:03:00.003+08:00

one more paper down,

reducing the number to 3.

WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

hmm. not that I did my Audit paper well, I just feel a HUGE relief at the moment. akdhfaukgzfakutcgvaeycgaiygciaugcaiygcv

Corporate Finance in 2 days time. Shall get back to the THICK text book. Arnold, you're my current lover:D

...........not.

Audit and Corporate Governance.

2010-05-14T16:58:00.003+08:00

Abstract:

...to take a risk is to expose oneself to the chance of injury, damage or loss. It is only when the injury, damage or loss occurs that the risk becomes real...............................................

Oh. wow. speaking of risk. I could relate to Audit. In fact, I could also relate to Corporate Finance. Blah.

"Risk is a central feature of the audit process."

well,

"Risk is a central feature of ~~Fatin's~~-making up-and-breaking up-process."

How about that, huh?

Bottom line, i DETEST examinations. I DETEST the idea of having to work hard to pull off your grade so as to become rich-er.

Only one paper is down, and I'm still having:

Audit and Corporate Governance
Corporate Finance
Management Accounting
Tax and Tax Planning

owh, that's like.. FOUR paper. wow. Such a lonnnnnnggg way to go , and I'm already planning for a get-away after exams.

sigh.

You've left me speechless.

2010-05-13T15:26:00.006+08:00

I woke up this morning to a sore heart; feeling all dreadful. I texted my friend asking:

"pernah tak kau tak nak terbangun from your sleep.? coz if kau bangun, you'll have to face reality."

And he replied:

"sengal. cool boleh tak??"

haih. Kaw sengal la aziq. aku bukan macam kaw ego konon tak nangis. Flu sangat.

Why am I so wrapped up in this dispensable issue?, I don't know. I have zero idea. All I know, time heals, and I'm giving it a shot. Instant recovery is always almost beyond my reach, but yes, nothing is impossible. I've been fighting since the very start, so why quit now? I'll make it through. I always do. It's just a matter of time. It's just a matter of time.

It's weird. Looking at this picture always give me a feeling of certainty. Go on,Just stare at it, you'll get what i meant. :D

I must be going, cos I got life to do.

manusia.

2010-05-12T23:31:00.002+08:00

sigh.

Notice how I've been sigh-ing and complaining a lot lately?

Well, it's something that I can't just blurt out in words you see. I wish I could, really. To ease this burden I'm currently having. But it just doesn't work that way. It WON'T work that way.

There are so many regrets, so many things in the past that I wish so hard I could delete from my hard disk. But again, it doesn't work that way. And here I am, forced to accept and let go. How can I?? I wish I knew things that I didn't, so that at that point of time, I could do things differently.

Not that reminiscing and regretting are capable of rewriting my history or anything.

.......... it helps in a way that you will not understand. So, let it be alright?

Soulmate. Soouullmmmaaattteeee.

I can wait forever.

2010-05-09T23:14:00.002+08:00

Not.

That is exactly why, I'm leaving.

*********************

somebody explain to me, why the hell am I even bothered to update my blog when I'm clearly supposed to be studying my ass out?

oh, right. Because unfortunately my brain has its limit and I've already pushed it slightly over the limit.

And . it. just . can't. function . anymore.

I just made such a huge decision that might leave me breathing in pain for the next.... few months? or years? Or probably forever.

Gee. I can't even write a proper post. Blah.

Growing up is SO freaking hard.

sigh.

2010-05-07T19:59:00.002+08:00

okay, i lied. I didn't need a psychiatrist. I need more effort. MORE effort to handle my life. And for that, I'm gonna try to push myself to the extreme. Lets all hope that i can make it through all these.

I'm currently in a tough situation. Period pain is attacking, as painful as ever, and I've a whole lot of revision to be done. I know i know. I got no one but myself to blame, but still.

I'll see you again when all this is over. Sayonara.

I am indeed self-destructive

2010-05-02T16:32:00.002+08:00

I'm breaking down, and i need to talk to a psychiatrist.

Lights city.

2010-04-20T00:55:00.003+08:00

It's late, I've class early in the morning and my maxis broadband is acting up (again). Uploading pictures alone has been a pain in the ass, hence, I won't be writing much. Besides, what I'm about to share with you readers ( I doubt I have many, but lets just pretend I do,okay) is WAY BEYOND words. Even the pictures don't tell much.

Me and my sis went to this i-city in Shah Alam ( a place I've been wanting to go but refused to without a presence of a DSLR) and I've got to say that you have to experience this place yourself. No payment upon entrance anyway, so wait no more, start your engine, and off you go!!!

Is that panda? is it??? I can't tell.:(

I wish I could cut me out and paste it somewhere else. I think I'm ruining the view. haha

pretty, isn't it?

peacock! this one I can tell. :D

nah, I can't tell.

Snowman?

Bunga sakura!

There you go, pictures. Yup, after a longg while. Just because my sis is around . LOL.

I've never given up on you. I can whine and curse all day long, but not once have I stopped hoping that things would turn out fine.

No, I'm not reliving the past.

2010-04-17T15:20:00.005+08:00

Each and every post in my blog represents each and every time i get so troubled and neurotic over different stuff, depending on the timing itself.

suck it.

Went to watch Shutter Island yesterday with barnie and I'd give ... 7/10? I din't come out from the hall commenting on the movie enthusiastically, so i guess, it wasn't much of a film. It seemed longer than it was, if that tells you something. Nevertheless, I've managed to pick up few valuable lessons- I told you i'm aging- in between that I could use to live.

First step to moving on, you have to accept the most hurtful truth and learn to live with it, without regret. Even if that takes up your whole life, you have to at least start trying. Only then, you can decide what's best for you. Otherwise, you'd be nothing more than a zombie.

Very useful, VERY.

If it wasn't because of Leonardo Di Caprio, it would have failed. I suppose?

I can write all about my self-conflict now, it's about time to acknowledge something that i did not want to anyway. But.. I'll save it for another post, another time i get bothered, okay.? It won't take long before the time comes. that, I'm sure of.

p/s: my sis's coming. Which means, I've new job waiting. Unpaid driver.

Mukabook.

2010-04-13T19:12:00.008+08:00

This is for those who got/will get shocked after knowing that I don't actually own an account of this ~~stupid~~ facebook :

Yes, I am absolutely outdated for not having one, but really, facebook does NOT guarantee that I'm going to turn out to be a frigging billionaire. So long as it does not generate money-in HUGE amount- I do not CARE.

I know the intention of signing up for an account is very sincere- to keep in touch with the long lost friends & relatives, to make new hot friends, to maybe search for your potential future husband/wife, to keep each other updated on how many children you're currently having, to share with the whole world about moments of your life with the hope that others would be happy too, and whatnot- but personally, I think I like it in an old-fashion way and that is, to use phone with a little help from yellowpage and maybe the phone operator. I don't intend to cari jodoh online also, so NAH, I'm doing good without one:)

I'm not a camwhore, nor am I photogenic and I normally appear fugly-er in pictures. I think that has pretty much summed up my reasons not to sign up for facebook- I mean people have lots of nice and attractive pictures to be showed to strangers, and what do I have? Fugly-out-of-place-pictures to scare strangers off? -yea, i figured.

For all i know, unlike others, my life does not evolve around internet and internet only. Nor do I own a Blackberry or iPhone that would allow an instant and 24-hour access to the net. I only have my maxis broadband to rely on-which isn't even reliable- and it is not much help either. So how could i possibly manage and update my profile if I owned one? Even if i did sign up for one, it would be nothing but a dustbin.

There. I've said it all. So don't "You don't have facebook??!!!" me the next time we happen to bump into each other okay? Cos I'm so done pretending that it's the first time I deal with such-nak-kena-lempang-expression. hehe.

Nonetheless, should I wish to change my fickle-minded mind, I would let all of you-who care to know- informed :)

p/s: i still can't find my USB cabel. Excuse my full-of-words blog please, I'm left with no choice.

I miss being all happy and crazy!

A giant leap of faith.

2010-04-12T22:33:00.007+08:00

okay, I have to admit, my sister really makes me feel like a loser. Why? Go figure. You want proof?

scroll down!

me. my sis.

blur blur, love it! the blurrer it is, the better, it conceals flaws eh..:)

But that, isn't the point. My point is, look closer. Then compare. There. I already look like a freaking loser. Don't, DON'T, deny just to make me feel somehow better, cos it will NOT. I ain't angry, nah, I'm happy:) for her though, not for me. well, it's obvious. I can't do anything right! not lately. Thanks to someone significant. no, not you.

Well done sis! I've congratulated you before, but no harm saying it again right?:)

so, moving on. I'm happier now simply cos my dad bought me " Message in a bottle" by non other than my favourite author, Nicholas Spark. I've developed such interest in his work merely cos he's a genius. Genius in making a simple romance very appealing. to me, at least. HAPPY!

On the other hand, I am slightly not happy because it seems that my heel spur is back. Back to torture every waking morning of my already-screwed-life. I certainly do not need this now okay. i can't even walk properly. It is not possible for me to walk on just left feet when the parking lot in the lakeside campus is far, or better yet, during particular unlucky days, it could get REALLY far. As in far-far towards the end of the world. sigh. Only Taylorians would feel me.

Do you feeeeelll mee?????

Hatred is when you fail to get over something/ somebody, even when you know that it is exactly what you need. Hatred is when despite the uncountable times you've been told right in your face that you're wasting your time and love chemical in your body, you still fail to do otherwise. Hatred is when you love someone who doesn't love you back just as much. Hatred is loser. And loser is Me.

survival.

2010-04-11T16:33:00.003+08:00

Is it wrong to hold on to just one vague memory, and let it influences your everyday life?

My weekend was painfully awful. It started with a plan which did not seem bad at all initially, but everything went just wrong in the end. Don't ask, I'm in no mood to tell anyway. Plan A went terribly wrong, and as strong as I am, I went on to Plan B.

Lets see what's in Plan B:

Literally, I did nothing but house chores, and.. house chores. I did laundry for, 4 rounds?, I washed my bathroom twice, washes plates that's been left for weeks and mind you, not once, but twice.

As if it ain't painful enough, new-never-ending-unnecessary-issues came to bother me, and looking at my situation, the only solution that I could think of was , to sleep it off. And I successfully slept for more than 12 hours per day.

Because I am lazy like that, I didn't find encouragement just yet to start off my revision-although I am fully aware that I'm a dead case by now- so i just kept on repeating songs and listened to it. I really hate changes you see-though changes are constant- so i felt that by listening to the same songs, it was just like a metaphor for it.

And, that's how I spent my weekend. Believe me, it's not as pathetic as it sounds. It's way beyond pathetic.

Thank god, my parents are coming, at least i get to distract my mind.

These clouds aren't going no where, rain keeps coming down.

two zero

2010-04-10T21:40:00.004+08:00

i hope i'm not too late for this but;

happy 20th birthday to:

LIM KOK HOOI !!!!!!

( the only reason i underlined his surname is becos according to him, every part of his name looks like a surname, so he must underline it to differentiate it, HAHAHA)

I'm just gonna keep it short and simple, so here it goes:

I hope you have an amazing birthday this year, with all the loved ones around you, tho it sucks to have to celebrate it in a middle of assignment due and test, but just be grateful that you've made it this far! hehe. :) May all your wishes and dreams come true!!!

we had this casual dinner to celebrate him ( perfect timing lol) with all the cupcakes and candles and everything. It was NOT easy to choose the size, let alone the design k, so i hope you like it:)

p/s: kok hooi, u better remember to post up my bday wish ah, since i don't normally do this on my blog. Alrite???? haha.:P

i'm dead..

2010-04-05T14:37:00.002+08:00

long dead...

goodbye people.

How do you know that it's indeed, NOT over (part1)

2010-03-31T18:10:00.003+08:00

and that it's just a beginning of ......... repeated heartache. over and over again.

When after what felt like a LOOOOOOOOoooong time you and your partner didn't have (even the slightest) any kinda contact, and just when you thought you could live with that, one single msg changed everything. Everything that you ever thought, it came firing back straight through your heart.

and truth be told,

all the strenght that u've built since day one, all came crushing down as fast as the hurricane katrina and the deadly tsunami.

i don't even know what i want. You used to bring the best out of me, now, it's just different. In a very ironic way.

I wonder if I ever crossed your mind.

2010-03-29T19:30:00.004+08:00

Aahhh. There's a feeling of great relief, I've finally submitted my resume. Really hope I would make it into Ernst & Young.

Though there's few inevitable arguments between my version of resume and dad's, i still managed to get it done with, it's a huge achievement alright. Of course, knowing my dad, I've already seen it coming, hence I was more than prepared to redo the whole thing again. You see, how could i win when he's been an employer for more than 20 years - his firm is way older than me, i realised- and having said that, he knew exactly what to expect even from interns. Not just that, he went on telling how I would be surprised to see that there's a huge gap in learning theoretically and putting the input in practice. See? it's never easy to live under one roof with that old man i tell you. I mean he's really really good at reverse psychology, always know exactly how to handle a problematic child like me. He's a lways certain of what he wants in his life, and here i am, claiming to be his daughter when I'm not even anywhere close to the type of person my dad is. I guess I inherit only the bad genes. Too bad, sucks to be me, haven't i told ya?.
To be honest, my sis resembles more of my father than I do,- You'd believe me once you've come to know both my sis and dad- physically and mentally. Anyway, i ought to congrats her for getting shortlisted for JPA interview. I mean it's a step closer, you should be proud :).

I'm screwed, cos apparently I am having trouble in starting my MAPI individual assignment. I should get back to my work, but before that, check this out:

*melt* how come my must-get list never decreases? sigh

I don't want to be weak.

bittersweet.

2010-03-27T13:43:00.005+08:00

My 2 days since I got back home was generally spent by reading. Finally finished 'Dear John' and i find it remarkable, minus the slight (very minor) draggy part at the beginning. The ending is not the kind that you would expect it to be, and that makes the story even more fascinating. It kinda portrays reality, that life's really a bitch. This is a second work of Nicholas Spark that I've read, but I can already see the similarity in his writing and what he's trying to convey through his work. Never knew him in person but my presumption is, he's probably someone who does a lot of observation, thinking and reflection. If there is a conclusion that I could draw from this story, it is that love really has its' own way of changing people (the ones that you could never possibly imagine). I'm looking ahead to reading his other works, eager to discover what else he has to offer :) .

And just as any other writings of his, this very novel is also made into film, which is released pretty soon.

Channing Tatum plays 'John' :)

On a different note, I notice that I've developed unnecessary level of paranoia just lately. Like how I hesitated when I wanted to come down from my car after a late night outing. Like when I decided not to get too close to anyone. Like when i redid my resume for -i lost count- lots of time just cos i felt it's never impressive enough and not even close to being an attention grabber just yet. Like when I've to think twice before spending money.

Tell me, am i just aging, just as many of my friends are *wink*, or I'm just simply going insane. Like is this some kinda sign signifying that I'm that close to a breakdown?

I don't know man. You tell me. I've never been good at judging, for that matter.

it's a feeling as though my soul has been sucked by a dementor.

Fun fair and dejavu.

2010-03-26T18:52:00.011+08:00

Let's do some recalling. Remember when I said Ive so many things I've been meaning to do? Yes. This is one of it: going for a funfair! Believe it or not, I have been searching long and hard for a funfair, and have long come to a conclusion that, they don't really organize funfair anymore. Not when a lot of massive theme park such as Genting Highland etc being built. I guess i was wrong! I was driving back home from my normal activity-shopping- with my sis and a friend of ours when we coincidentally passed by this amazing, colourful fun fair. It took me a moment before it hit me that it's a freaking funfair that i just passed by. And as random as ever, we dropped by. Ive gotta admit, I loved it, despite the fact that it was indeed overprice. But hey, it's the experience that im paying for, so I didnt really mind. :) Fun fair doesn't come by often either. So why not?

Everything was just so pretty. I wish it was held permanently. Dint take all the ride tho, I'm paranoid like that. Only took one roller coaster ride which was actually meant for kids. LOL.

This is the adult roller coaster, which of course wasn't the one I took. The kids' one was cuter, it has the shape of caterpillar, green in colour.

Oh My Gucci. The idea of being there in one of those seats alone made me nervous. I mean, the one in Genting Highland is sure enough reliable, but this??? It was pretty though, the lights and all.

I was really really really tempted to take this ride. But too bad. Apparently, it was not for people of my age. damn!

Time really flies when we're having fun isn't it? I dint want that night to end just as much as i dint want some other particular night to end. I thought I could handle dejavu. Guess i was wrong. again. Sigh.

I swear to god, there was this moment, just a while, i found myself looking back, wondering 'what could have been had you done things differently'. But it all doesnt matter does it?

How do you know its over (part 2)

2010-03-24T18:43:00.005+08:00

As promised, continuation from part 1. Signals babes, it's all about the signals.

Your partner yelled at you in front of his/her friends about something minor. Which is of course, something that he/ she never did before.
For the first time after a very long while, you feel as though you can't tolerate with your partner anymore. You even feel like going back home or running away from him when he's around. Again, something that you never thought you would feel, not even in a million years.
Talking, especially heart to heart conversation, seems so impossible nowadays.
You find trouble in delivering what you have to say as your partner is also having trouble getting the right point.
Thus, on average, 28 days out of a month are spent by arguing and not talking to each other. Simply cos out of a sudden you notice that not talking is so much easier than trying to talk some sense into each other.
You start spending your weekend by watching youtubers making their own show when formerly you'd be at your partner's place, chilling and watching tv.
When a friend of yours come up to you and ask question like "How's your bf doing? When are you guys free? lets go for a double date:)!", you'd find yourself struggling to provide a decent and proper answer. Why? Becos you don't even know what your partner has been up to.
You start saying things like " if i had a bf,........" spontaneously when the truth is, you haven't even broken up just yet. Not officially.
Frankly speaking, you're not even certain whether or not you still want things to work out between you and your partner.

I wish I knew what was coming.

Nobody promised you cupcakes all along.

2010-03-22T22:20:00.007+08:00

If there was anyone, just anyone, who you could refer to in finding nice materials to be read, that would be my sister. All along, it's been her who sparked the interest to read in me. For a start, she's the source of all the interesting books. She's like the moving library you see. Well, the benefit falls right on me. I get to read, for FREE. You're the best sis! Go get 'Dear John' pleeeaaassseeeee :D

So, back to my main point, I've just done reading 'The Last Song' by Nicholas Sparks in which my sis has been insisting me to read it ever since she bought the novel, probably mid of last year? Cos as far as i know, it's been collecting dust back home. Yea it took me that long to finally find time to be dedicated to reading, and I can assure you that it wasn't a waste. At all. I like, wait scratch that, LOVE the whole story line and how the author has managed to capture attention (mine, at least) through out every chapters. It's really sad and inspiring at the same time. Check out the book.

The Last Song will also be made into film (or already has been?) and is going to be released i think somewhere end of March? I'm not so definite about it, but hell yes I'm anticipating it. :)

Introducing... Ronnie ( Miley Cyrus ) and Will ( Liam Hemsworth ) - hell yess he's worth it!- the official actress and actor of the film. Watching over some endangered species of turtle eggs.

Awwhh.. Just as what I've fantasized while reading :)

He's ( or rather his character ) probably the ideal type of bf I'm looking forward to discover, if there was such guy in reality. In which if you're being realistic, you would agree that, it is unquestionably going to take forever to come across THAT sorta guy.

Last but not least, do check out the OST as well. It's not bad, pretty much related to the story, which is mainly about living. Meaningful, I would say.

Anything that's worth having, is sure enough worth fighting for. Vice versa.

you have to love something before you can hate it.

2010-03-22T00:56:00.003+08:00

Okay, I just found out from that non-loser friend of mine, that the hot air balloon exhibition is actually already over, and that I stand zero chances to witness that sexy thing. Speaking of sexy, panda and me decided to watch a movie right after dinner, out of randomness and guess what movie we watched?

DAY BREAKERS

Remember when i said random stuff completes me? It never changed :) Anyways, with such confidence, we acted as though we knew what was the movie all about and bought the tickets. Do not, i repeat, Do not trust your eyes on this little poster they have at the counter. If you think that that thing up there are robots hence, leading to a thinking that this movie is all about robots conquering or invading earth and it involves no such thing as blood bursting out everywhere, you're deceived. Just like we were. LOL. It's literally naked humans. or rather, vampires' food. cool eh? NOT. Anyways, vampires are always HOT. :)

All in all, the movie was pretty gruesome, and funny in certain ways. The next question is, would I recommend this movie to be watched? Yes, only if you possess the same interest i do :) haha. Im weird like that, I know.

I don't think I've moved on, I still hate you.

How do you know its over (part1)

2010-03-21T01:24:00.008+08:00

Basically, this is still just a theory that I have yet to confirm the actuality of it and whether or not it can be put in practice.

So, how do you know that your bf-gf relationship is over ? Easy. You just have to detect for the signals. These signals would also indicate that you, have to move on. Regardless of how challenging it's going to be.

Your partner just don't call you anymore. No more text messages asking whether or not have you taken dinner, let alone to say you've been missed terribly.
You are able to go out with a potential scandal of yours, without having your partner know about it. And the best part of it, you don't even have to try to hide it.
When it's the sister, who called you up just to invite you to join the family's vacation, instead of your partner him/herself.
Your partner isn't willing to come find you anymore when you are waayyy nearer to him when he used to be fine with having to go through 4 freaking hours of journey previously before you could finally meet up and spend time together.
You just don't see your partner often anymore even when the distance now from your place to his/her place is only about 30 mins plus the traffic.
He/ she just doesn't bother to call up and ask whether your car battery is fine and remind you not to forget to switch off the light again.
He/ she could live knowing that you might be mentally and emotionally tortured with every actions he/ she's been taking and not doing anything about it.
You find yourself recalling and thinking what actually went wrong.
You would then start getting to the thinking where you should probably give up in waiting, and instead, you should start assuming that you're officially single when you certainly aren't.
You start to feel like avoiding his/her family when previously, things went just fine between you and them.
You start taking his name out of your daily conversation. You can hardly hear yourself mentioning his name and you will do everything in your power to refrain yourself from doing so.
You start wanting to make yourself occupied with other things.
You get obsessed over songs, be it motivating or demotivating ones. You have higher tendency to get carried away with the lyrics and not just that. You would take out the appropriate ones, and fit them in your situation. It's for the psychology purposes, it makes you feel somewhat composed.
You have no particular someone no more to whine about how your day went.
At one point, you just stop asking for opinions on how to fix your relationships. You decided to just shut up and keep everything to yourself just cos you don't wanna appear stupid and fragile.

It's definitely to be continued.

I'm a loser simply cos a non-loser-friend and another roommate of mine just told me that the hot air balloon exhibition is held only on this weekend.

everyone is a potential lunatic. :D

2010-03-21T00:43:00.005+08:00

it's true, my title i mean. I've seen enough to have the right to make such statement:D And you know what's hilarious? That they weren't usually aware of that fact, until, they broke down. Believe it or not, I'm literally smiling as I'm typing; I find it rather funny. It turns out that we are just as fragile as thin glass. Or perhaps cheap mug, which ever breaks first.

I was driving slowly when this struck me:

What if it's written that I'm going to die tomorrow? What's the impact on other people around me? How would they feel? Am i going to be missed? Or i'm just very insignificant that people could just move on right after hearing the news. Is there anything that I've yet to accomplish?Have I lived enough?

Well i stopped right there cos thinking of it alone scared the hell out of me. :( Imagine, having to leave all the people that you love behind, not having to see their faces ever again, uncertain of what awaits you afterward. 'Scary' can't even explain what it's gonna be like.

There's always a whole lot of things that I've been meaning to do, and it's just a matter of time. And i really hope that time is going to be on my side.

you annoy me. Get out of my face, please?

Million miles away.or so i thought.

2010-03-16T21:29:00.003+08:00

My life has been on the repetitive mode. Everything's been nothing but a repetition. It's just like I've been replaying and repeating " try sleeping with a broken heart by Alicia Keys" over and over again. No, not cos I've no other songs in my play list, but cos i just feel lazy to choose other songs from my play list. I guess I'm already tired being the one who tries to work out the impossible. I mean, it'd be okay in the beginning but after one point, you'd absolutely get exhausted.

Anyways, housemates and I got real bored one night, we decided to hunt for DVD and watch. We opted for horror genre just cos we felt like it. So we got ourselves Orphan and Bathory; unfortunately, the Orphan is the only one that can be played. [ there's a reason why it's never advisable for you to buy pirated dvds lol]

I've actually watched it previously but, as mentioned earlier, I've turned into such a boring person who lives on a repetitive mode. Let's just say that it's worthy enough to be watched more than once:) I like the fact that this kid [Isabelle Fuhrman] pulled off her character as a 33 year old psychotic woman who as well possesses a disease called dwarfism. It's either her, or the make up, but I'm pretty sure it's her. she managed to make me feel like slapping her right in her face and burn her ass out. All of the cast fit their respective character just perfectly and as a consequences, everything seemed real. for a moment i forgot that i was actually watching movie. haha. It's a rated movie, i reckon? not so sure but if you've watched, you would have agreed *wink*

MOre and MORE tutorials need to be done, and i'm just gonna get some of it done before calling it a day. SIGH.

p/s: never knew there's a fine line between forgetting and ignoring. Eventhough I've been able to ignore, i can't seem to forget.:(

Have you tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well you could try sleeping in my bed.

Just like a heart beating.

2010-03-15T23:37:00.003+08:00

Spent some times with the people just now, just glad things are exactly like how it was left to be :) it's really surprising how a Lil of catching up could make my day just perfectly. Like every other boring days of my life, i have so much to whine, well excuse me for being such a pessimistic, but my messy life just won't let me be otherwise. :(

My life has been such a chaos simply because:

for some reasons, my broadband just wont want to cooperate with me.
referring to the above, i can't utilize the connection to the max, which explains why i can't download stuff that indeed, very essential in fixing up what's unfixed.
after hours of downloading songs at a very odd hour, in which seems like a sufficient get away, i can't transfer them to my phone; simply cos i freaking misplace my usb cable. How messy i am? VERY.
I can't find earphone either.
My lappie has been producing this loud sound which i'd like to call it " running sounds". you know, it goes like "ngunnnnnggggggggggggggggggg........nggguuuuunnnnnggggggggggg." , and it's always ascending, NEVER descending. GAHHHH.
There's so much unsettled business and i don't even know where to start from.:(
I am so caught up in this entangled emotions of mine. i don't know how to get out :'(
All i want to do is to run away. But i know it better than anyone else that running away will def not solve problems.

i wonder is this one of the many normal phases in live that people have to go through? Cos if it is, i don't wanna be normal.

I'm still giving you the benefit of the doubt. Just don't screw it this time, cos you've been doing it your whole life.I'm not bulletproof remember?

to whom this may concern.

2010-03-14T00:08:00.005+08:00

i dont know about you people, but when it comes to handling emotions, i fail, and i fail hard. i certainly have no idea what is it with people that could go around hurting other people, thinking that it is a great thing to do. It just occured to me that no matter how nice i've been trying to be, i would still end up getting hurt; slashed, torn and chopped.

so you have such significant influence in my life, and you think you can play me like a freaking toy?! it is lately that i came to realisation, you have definitely changed me in a certain way that i find it hard to accept. This whole thing has turned me into such an angry person, depressed and down. someone that i never thought i could be.

i blame others every now and then when the only person i've been upset at all along, is you. i suddenly felt the need to find other sources just so i could get my mind off anything that has got to do with you which also means, pretty much everything. are you even aware of what you've done to me? or you're somewhere else thinking that things have their own way of getting back to their respective places eventually?

i just cant live with the fact that you didnt deserve my trust all along and still dont. they say i should not hope for hoping can kill. but when all that's left is just hope, tell me what else could i possibly do?

As much as i want to put all of this behind, i still feel obliged to stay. yes, because i'm stupid like that. Also because i cant lie to myself no more. i sure hope that i could really say that i have totally given up on you out loud, but deep down i know i haven't. I haven't. and I just cant lie.:(

for all that has happened, its all entirely because of you

Even sepang circuit reminds me of you. bagan lalang too.

2010-03-13T22:38:00.001+08:00

im exhausted but i still wanna blog about how i spent my day:) the cousin picked me up around 11 am , and we headed to; putrajaya and later on, bagan lalang. we went putrajaya mainly for the hot air balloon exhibition which, according to my cousin, was supposed to take place at precint 2, Putrajaya. unfortunately, the so called exhibition was nowhere to be found. With three broken hearts, we decided to go for a lunch at alamanda. Awells, was feeling rather down after finding out that there was no such exhibition; i really wanted to see hot air balloon!, and to find out the food was even suckier, that, was REALLY unacceptable. sigh. food was supposed to cheer me up from the frustration i was already suffering from. wth.

another half of the day went, slightly better:) we went bagan lalang for the seafood, and it was awesome! passed by the Sepang Goldcoast and i've got to admit that it is indeed PWEEEETTYYYY. chalet with a shape of palm tree, now that is cool! even with probably 40% still under construction, it's still amazing:) totally going to drag dad there once its fully done.

All in all, today was great and i managed to get some unneccesary stuff off my messy mind. :D

i love random stuff. it makes me feel complete.

im loving it.

2010-03-13T00:45:00.004+08:00

NOT .

i have just gotten myself maxis broadband and by far ( 2 freaking days ) it has not been functioning well. i must say despite of the rumors i've been hearing, i still do feel disappointed. i have this high expectations on maxis, which i strongly believe you cant be blaming me for that, knowing that maxis is sooo huge and established. why do they even provide such lousy service? and hey, i am not talking solely based from what i heard from other people, but from what i have experienced through.

HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT.

So, moving on, :) , i have come to my senses recently that some people, no matter how much you have put your faith in them, they're simply not worth your attention. it's like hoping that Malaysia would finally , finally has a fantastic education system or something, you know?. BLAH.

and again, HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. -.-

Taylor's lakeside campus is so far acceptable and taking into account that it is claimed to be the state of art, it should not just be acceptable, am i not right? but yeah, face it people, its indah khabar dari rupa. There's nothing much to be fancied except for the four level of cool library , numerous vending machine (i've much interest in vending machine indeed) and......, vending machine. that's it.. i can totally list down what are definitely not in place as far as state of art is concern.

Most of the toilets are less equipped with tissues, which the level of necessity is indeed like a staple food in any ordinary human's life.
the oh-so-cool- library's window glass was leaking. and water's practcially dripping when it's raining.
the parking is so VERY limited. obviously it's gonna take a whole multilevel of building to cater all the students.
you can actually hear the sound of toilet being flushed and smell the smell when you're in a lecture hall located just next to toilet.
cafeteria and makan places are always crowded. again, not sufficient in catering all the students.
you can definitely, without fail, smell the aroma of cow dung every morning, noon, and whatever time possible.-.-
there are always areas that are cemented and only cemented left, here and there. not so good for our eyes vision i would say. taylor's ran out of budget for painting i suppose?
the air cons are sometimes disfunctioning. they probably bought second hand aircon, i suppose?
the lifts practically stop at every freaking floor, for no reason. gee its not even enough for every walking human in the whole campus.:(

awells, im not criticizing or anything, i just feel that having to be called as state of art , the students ought to deserve better than this. i'm definitely not talking about cheap tuition fee here. so damn, we do deserve MORE.

on another note, most of us truly miss our previous business school located at ss15. more food access, no leaking building here and there, no cow dung smell, no state of art, but definitely somewhat better.

i really hope they are already on something to overcome all this. otherwise, it is not even close to being the state of art.

i miss those times, when less is more.

tired.

2010-03-12T15:00:00.004+08:00

as much as i want to update my blog, i just feel freaking tired that i think I'm off to bed now.

will update soon:)

ps: i think I'm almost mastering the art of ignorant; if you understand what i mean.

mundane.

2010-03-08T17:09:00.003+08:00

it just feels empty nowadays. meaningless. :(

ps: ill be greatly thankful to anyone who can pull me out of here.

bee

2010-03-03T17:13:00.003+08:00

i am as busy as a bee!!! cant wait for this weekend.:D

ps:: ive gotten rid of my old boring blog layout! such an achievement.

sweet escape.

2010-02-06T21:21:00.006+08:00

i've made a decision. to do part time job starting next month:) its def not coz of the money, i figured its a good way to keep myself even busier. in other words, to run away from something. wish me luck fellows!

all in 1. (macam instant coffee)

2010-02-06T16:22:00.003+08:00

phew! so many bad things happened to me these past few days, i guess i was unlucky. MEL is back from aussie! its been so long since we last hung out, the four of us, so last wed, after my class, i headed to pyramid to meet up with the girls.:) the first few hours was so sangat sangat fun, up untill i FREAKING DROP my purse.(or rather people pick pocket me). i just withdrew rm 700 on that very day, and it was all gone. GONE. GONE!. we literally went all around pyramid searching for my purse, and it was a total failure. so i thot, "hey, really there's no hope". so decided to make police report and all, blocked my bankcard. imagine i had to go through all the hassle of remaking my ic, bankcard and license.:(

the next day me accompanied by swayh were in putrajaya all ready to make new ic, untill someone called me telling me that someone found my purse with all teh important stuff in, except my rm700. as expected. they took the money. but it was a great relief coz i had my ic and all still. and my dad has also replaced the stolen money (omg i love you dad!).:)

i have been spending most of my time thinking whats best for me. i should start taking action tho its hard. nothing good comes easy anyway rite??

-.-

2010-02-03T18:11:00.003+08:00

why are you always the last one to be there? after a while, i cant even differentiate whether u ARE just ignorant like that, or you just dont care. i lost count how many times you've made promises and then, broke it. you're breaking my heart over and over again and worst part is, u did nothing but watched me. i wonder can i really take this?

sucks to be me.

2010-02-02T23:10:00.004+08:00

have you ever felt as though the whole world is crashing and you've got no where safe to go?

well, yeah. that is the exact feeling im having right now. i dont expect many of you to understand what is it with me always feeling down out of the blue. i guess im just unpredictable like that. when was the last time i felt so happy that i had nothing to worry about? i forgot. i lost track. i wasnt trying as hard as i am now, but why do i feel that things were easier when i actually did not try?

living seems so hard nowadays. having to live up to everyone's expectation but not mine is definitely is harder than what it sounds like. i feel like i am not who i truly am. i'd kill just to turn back time i swear.

"Please don't leave me

I always say how I don't need you

But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please, don't leave me"

BLAH

2010-01-28T10:51:00.002+08:00

i have an annoying mom. BOLD FULLSTOP.

lost and found

2010-01-13T02:51:00.003+08:00

i know im like a week plus late to post this up, but happy 1st anni baby!!!:)

just want u to know ( tho u probably wont be reading this) that even though its been like tsunami at certain point of time ( more like most of the time), with u being as ignorant as u can and me being..well.. me, you worth every single of hard pace we had.

and to be still together after all this, it must mean something musnt it?

promises have been made, so lets make this work, shall we?

ily
really do.

2010-01-12T17:33:00.003+08:00

how true is this? well i dun know. im just trying to be an optimistic here u see.

hormones, please stabilize urself.

2010-01-10T23:56:00.004+08:00

look at my blog.

its like......

dead.

awells. dear blog, i promise that ill take better care of you when im done overcoming my super messy life. and i am a woman of my word. its just a matter of time.:)

some random picture i found in my lappie.

wai kiki and me

ps: babe!! now u're famous.:p

dejavu.

2009-12-18T18:59:00.002+08:00

today, i fell. again.

get back on ur feet. keep moving on till u cant take all this no more.

japanese girl.=p

2009-12-14T16:11:00.004+08:00

so, today marked the second and final journey of free levi's.=D im telling you people, we went through A LOT in the "pursuit of free levi's" (dramatic or not??) . omg we got lost TWICE. first time thannks to swayh and sec time thanks to swayh as well. u go japanese girl!=P haha

anyways the first time (the first round i suppose?) was when we were going back from damansara (the levi's office) to subang and swayh CONFIDENTLY directed me and we ended up at the rawang highway going to ipoh. omg babe, we wud have gone to ipoh for nothing thanks to u!!XD

omg this gurl ah, her sense of direction sucks. ok im not gonna rub it in her face, she knew better than anyone else that she sucks a lot when it comes to direction, but i just cudnt believe that she is actually one of those who dun even know their way back. hehe. damn farnie la u gurl.=D

she dint even know that we were on the SUPER WRONG ROAD untill i voiced it out. yes, she was still looking for the xulian board or something, some sort of board indication to her la before she finaly agreed that we lost our way. well luckily i came to my senses and decided to follow my driver instinct and taaadaaaaaa....!!! we were home safely. and all the way she was like "omg babe! where have i brought u too???". man, shudnt I be the one asking her THAT quest? LOL. wanna act innocent pulak this gurl.

so after we got short listed ( dramatic) we went there again today to do the final round(?) and collect the voucher. so happen, we dint get lost until we were already at SUBANG AREA. well, i missed the right turning and instead,i went left. ok it wasnt TOTALLY my fault coz i was distracted by swayh's high pitch voice (she was talking on phone) and thats it, we were on the road to kl. haha!! wth.

seriously, its just so not me to get lost coz id say that my sense of direction is quite good (not as bad as certain people=p) and its IRONIC that i only get lost when im around swayh. i guess her sense of directions is just that sucky and strong untill it can be transferred to people around her.

nevermind babe, i love u STILL. :D =P

u know y??

coz its worth all the getting-lost and i had a great time laughing at each other.:P

so babe, when are we literally getting a pair for ourselves?=D

right at ur face.

2009-12-08T16:54:00.003+08:00

tdespite all the GRAND appearence and ur fucked up reputation and all, ur management STILL SUCKS!

~~FUCK U~~ T. U'LL GO DOWN ONE DAY AND ITS ALL BECOZ OF UR FUCKED UP SERVICE.

bloody blood.

2009-12-06T12:22:00.003+08:00

its always nice to have someone by ur side telling u that its not ur fault even tho u know it for a fact that it is. it makes everything seems bearable.

"you are my life and im not perfect"

i swear i have been.

2009-12-02T11:45:00.002+08:00

annoying father, he is.

2009-11-27T23:55:00.007+08:00

fun fact about you: you ALWAYS give in to what i want.:) no matter how uninterested and annoyed you are, you still do.

ily.

we were craving for prosperity so we (my 2 sis, lil bro and him) went to the 24hours mcd nearby to bloody fatten ourselves.

DAD: *giving out rm50 to sis* ni 50 bucks make sure ade balance of rm25.
SIS: huh?? mane cukup for 4 orang.
DAD: cukup.sorang rm5 je, lebih u all tambah sendiri.
SIS: *leaving after feeling all annoyed*

wtf!!!
obviously not enough la kan so me acting like a REAL sis, supported the rest of the bill (im like already dead broke) just to find out.........

( at home after the supper)
SIS: nah, balance tadi.
DAD: rm25??? (wth tadi kate nak balance rm25, ni nak pelik2 pulak) . u all betul2 dengar ayah cakap ke tadi? main2 je tadi. dengar kate pulak. kelaka la *laughing while keeping the bloody rm25!!!!*

i am NOT lying when i said ive got an annoying dad. SWT.

itchiness

2009-11-27T00:39:00.002+08:00

"Everything i can`t be,Is everything you should be

And that`s why i need you here"

pair.

2009-11-22T00:00:00.003+08:00

just something i stumbled upon while, u know, browsing:) and as the matter of fact, i find it.... quite true..

"We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

im pretty sure that its really really hard for us to find true love but when it happens, u just know it. :)

email address.

2009-11-21T18:52:00.003+08:00

okay.here's the thing. i notice that each and everytime i give my email to any of my friends, they'll go like "wth is wrong with ur email?". probably not all of them but,yea most of them did.

first fact that u guys need to know is, my email is sumthing like thiss-->

hopelessme_89@hotmail.com

inspiring. no?

now a whole lot of u will be definitely asking why on earth did i create such a ~~lame~~ ~~discouraging~~ ~~unpleasent~~ pathetic email add. i had that account signed up when i was facing the biggest self conflict ever and obviously i cudnt think of anything else apart from that. i mean anyone in my situation at that time wud do exactly the same thing i did, no doubt. rite?. yea.

fine fine i know i shud be changing it by now, considering that im technically using the address for formal purposes and stuff but, i just dun feel like it okay.?

i have this thing against changing ur contact details like phone numbers or email address or even house address. which contributes to the reason y i am still stuck to my maxis num when im not even using it.

blah. anyways, good luck to my dearest sister who is currently on the battlefield. owells, wat can i say , spm is just the beginning of a long cursed journey to the menara gading. u'll face a lot more sis.=)

ps:: check out the community channel. they're really good. loving them!=)

note to self:

2009-11-16T10:52:00.003+08:00

mad.

2009-11-15T23:45:00.001+08:00

moving on doesnt include forgetting. agree?

~~miss ya still.~~ Glad things dint work out, figured thats the best:) you were the best, but not the right one so i did what i do best; moving on. tough, but worth it.

**********************************

and so im back in jb. all i ever did eversince i stepped in my doorstep was, ~~dating~~ driving my mom around. guess its already a tradition. lol. its really unfair that i havent get the chance to really hang out and spend time with my buncit yet. :(
how come susah sangat nak hang out together??? perdana menteri pon has their own time to be spent with loved ones.
hate you okay!!.but hating u IS loving u. so u tell me where do i run to???? nowhere. coz as far as i know, ill end up right here.right here.

loving u is harder than u know.

wohooo!

2009-11-11T15:01:00.001+08:00

cant wait till friday!!
i miss u macam nak gila it feels as tho its been so darn long.

:))

at least u're not the only thing that ive been missing :P

frumah.<3

2009-10-31T12:41:00.000+08:00

be prepared, as i am about to do something VERY cheesy and OE. you are advised to leave if u dun wish to feel alll cheesy weeesssssyyyyy and geli. LOL.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU B!!!!!!!!

may all ur wishes and dreams come true:D

this was waaayyyyyy back then. :)))

you've grown into an amazing person and darl, have faith in yourself. u'd be surprised with what u might discover:)

its true that im not sure whether or not u're the best for me coz i still have the rest of my life to figure that out, but one thing that im sure of more than anything else is, u're the rare type that dun come by often. u dun know how much uve amazed me; u dun try, u dun fake it. u do nothing and yet, u amaze me. u're like the TOTAL opposite of me and ironically, i feel super comfortable when ever u're around. i feel safe. secured.

u're not romantic (at all) but ure there.everytime. :)

u're slow. u're not sensitive, u dun do sweet stuff like opening the car door for me coz u dun see the point. instead, u washed and serviced my car just so id feel comfy driving it.

u nag worse than my mom does. u'll yell whenever ure mad at me (the longest so far is just for 10 mins). but u never ever hung up on me.

i told u "sorry ive always been such a bitch all this while" and u said "im glad u have".

u accept me for who i am, u never complained. u're just different. n im glad if people were to call u weird. coz u ARE weird. specially weird. :))

u always have ur own funny way to express urself.lol

and for that, i dare to say that even if this is to be for a while, its all worth it.

ill be here always.right here.ily.:)

you're zero degree.

2009-10-29T21:44:00.001+08:00

ergh. i hate having a mixed up feelings. gives me headache u see. idk. idk.lallalalalallalalallala.

plus, i think im gonna get sick. i mean i have all the symptoms ady. sigh.

sometimes i feel that life is so unfair but anybody, define fair please???

been trying to keep myself buzy lately. u know, so that my mind wont be filled with all those unnecessary things. but then again, being buzy makes me forget those little yet important stuff:(

maybe, just maybe i should start ignoring. ignoring wat?idk. but hell that saying "ignorance is a bliss" is sometimes true and applicable? sometimes.

i feel like singing!!!!!!!!

are we just lost in time i wonder if your love's the same, coz im not over you.
Baby, don't talk to me.
I'm trying to let go
Not loving you is harder then you know.
'Cause girl your driving me so crazy

How can I miss you if you never would stay?
If you need time I guess I'll go away.
Inside me now there's only heartache and pain!
So where's the fire?
You've begun the rain.

there. lets go neway!!!!!!!!

who am i kidding really? coz its certainly not u.

my love.

2009-10-25T21:12:00.001+08:00

i AM SO gonna get this. soooooooOOOooo gonna get this.
definitely gonna get this. ull be mine soon love.:D

rainbow.

2009-10-25T04:32:00.001+08:00

really, who are you kidding?

god bless..

chocolate indulgence

2009-10-19T00:20:00.001+08:00

really, its been soooo unusual without you around. i guess u're affecting me that much.:(

ps::i dun know FA. sigh

the remedy

2009-10-16T16:29:00.001+08:00

first up,

i know im a sucker for wishing my fren's bday on my blogspot, but that doesnt mean you all are forgotten!!! ;) really, i do remember.

but today, out of boredom and nothing-ness, and coz more than one bday is happening, i would therefore like to make a wish.

okay so here's the wish:

HAPPYYYY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY TO ADRINo AND REZDo!!!!

lol.told ya i suck. but really, may u guys have a blessed and fun bday for this year!!!u guys are just getting older=P

**********************************************

in the mean time, ill enjoy it while i can.:)

few months to go, and hopefully i can get to see ya again.

gambateh!!
;D

already gone.

2009-10-14T23:40:00.001+08:00

wohooooo. im looooosiiinnnnnnnngggg my mind really. :)

its been running thru my mind lately i cant stand it i just have to say it. its REALLY ironic how frens that i have known for yearss can act change.this stage called growing up is soooo hlarious. i mean these were the people that i spent my whole childhood time with. then as we grew, things got more complicated, some of us just had to leave each other. for good really.and then...... here's the funny part. after a while, a looonnnggg while, u bump into each other and start catching up. and things seem different. feel different. thats when we realize that, changes is the only thing thats constant. regardless if its in a good way or the other way around, things are just not the same.

i mean, i have this bestest of fren whom i spent my whole 15 years sharing almost everything from secrets all the way to our stuff. then she shifted school and we just dint see each other ever since. we did talk yes, but thru internet and smses but thats only for a while. we dint get to see each other for more than 4 5 years and i really wonder has she changed?? like if and only if we could hang out togetehr again someday, will things remain the same like old time??...

thinking of it alone makes me nervous. i miss her badly but im so scared that its just not the same anymore. u get??

hmmm. really i miss her.

boredom

2009-10-11T20:48:00.001+08:00

i wish i was home.

bye=(

2009-10-04T01:56:00.002+08:00

its 2am and im going back to subang later at about 8am. the best part of all is, i havent done with my packing! gee. i hate packing. cant i just stay????=(

sis and me (its a farewell dinner, i suppose?? lol)

awells,. at leaast i spent the last nite right. right place and right people.=)
im gonna miss home soooooooooo much. till i see ya again, love.

stuck

2009-10-02T15:44:00.001+08:00

have u ever found urself staring into the space wondering just what could have been??

its tiring, really. for u to keep on trying.trying to work out things that u know damn sure wont.ever. not even in a million years from now. not even when u've put ur whole dedicated self into it. it just wont work out. do u need anyone anywhere to tell that straight to ur stupid face??

well mayb thats just what i need isnt it?

i mean u spent these past few months doing wat??? wasting ur time feeling all belonged and putting up hopes and dreams.?i say, screw that up!! u can wake up now and turn back to who u were or stuck at this painful state forever.

i just dun know how to make things right. mayb i AM at fault but hell cant u see that im trying my ass out to put things together??? u dun, do u.?? infact, u cant!. of course u cant see it. u can only see me, tryng to make things worse.trying to screw everything.every-single-thing.

maybe we need a break. mayb we dun need this anymore.

i know what i should do. i know it for a fact. ive known it all along. but its hard for me to accept it. i guess its gonna take me a while digesting it. i guess its gonna take sometime before my brain and heart can actually go along..

and,

2009-09-29T12:27:00.002+08:00

i hate my blog. like really super hate? hmm

speechless?

2009-09-29T12:21:00.002+08:00

hols is ending. soon. dis longgggg break makes me feel like i dun wanna 'on' my study mood back. u know wat i mean??

its beeen sooo long since i last blogged and know i dun know wat to blog anymore. well my life has been turned upside down during this 2months plus break i must say, but surprisingly in a good way=)

miss my frens back in subang hell much so i guess meeting them would be one of the many reasons i should be looking forward to?=)

i just....... have nothing else to say.

bye!

issues.

2009-09-10T00:16:00.001+08:00

hun, you're so weird.owells, my type of weird.:)

"me n my heart we got issues. dun know if i shud hate you or miss u"

true dat,

2009-09-01T23:25:00.001+08:00

love hurts.

say hello to goodbye

2009-07-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

if u choose to stay at where u are and not change

fullstop

:D

2009-07-17T11:26:00.000+08:00

ENUFF*!* of all the emo post. ive decided not to remember moments in life in a sad sad sad way. if i were to flashback, i would do it happily even thru a bad pace..optimism ftw OE.HAHA! ting ting la i.;p

gay faces but we just cudnt care less. har har har.:p

i miss u already.:(

**************************************

anyways, pd was fun. minus the hotel it was all fun.:D
too bad i dun have the pict so nevermind that.
i'll miss doing random thing like that definitely. hehe.

'' people do get tired of giving a shit on what everybody else has to say. sooner or later, they'll shut up and in the mean time, we just need to mind our own business :D"

tell me why

2009-07-15T12:44:00.001+08:00

why do we start if we're going to end?

why do we proceed when we know for a fact that we're never gonna make it?

why do we lie to ourselves when we know that its still gonna end n when it happens its gonna do us bad.?

why do we hope when its gonna hurt ourselves at the end of the day?

why do we keep on trying when our efforts gonna be worthless?

why do we give our all when we know we're not for each other?

why???????

becoz, it's worth the hoping,effort and heartbreaking.

becoz, at least when we fall, we know we've given it our best n there'll be no regret for not trying.

becoz, even if its for a while, its all worth it.

becoz, even if its one of the many phases in our lives, i still wanna look back n remember this as one of the sweetest memory i ever had.

becoz, you worth my chances.

and becoz im still not ready to let u go.

mayb i dun want to?=(

note to self:

2009-07-09T16:00:00.001+08:00

hang in there fatin.

just coz noone believes in you doesnt mean u cant.

have faith.

everything's gonna be alrite.

heart break.

2009-07-07T19:38:00.001+08:00

its a mistake from the start.

the start.

2009-07-06T12:21:00.001+08:00

frustration.

loss of appetite.

numb.

haywire.

dissapointment.

dissapointment.

dissapointment.

dissapointment.

MR barney,

2009-07-05T17:59:00.000+08:00

truth is, i'd miss all the quarreling and making up if they were gone. if you were gone.

so please stay?<3

excrutiating

2009-07-05T14:20:00.001+08:00

this, is what im feeling. 5 papers to go, one will be down by tomorrow noon, the rest, may god bless me.

regret doesnt carry any meaning at this point of moment. pain and suffering on the other hand, do.

best of luck University of West England (feel the fun lol!) first year students!
n me, of all people gonna need it. damn.

sooo much of stdying 0_0

2009-07-02T22:42:00.001+08:00

went dinner with the people. then we headed to starbucks coz sway and mel were being so nice wanting to teman me studying. lol. not so effective id say =(

our drinks

ended up playing board games.

and more games.

bffs=D (cant wait for the plan=p)

hehe.

hello little chicken!

that thing.is dirty..n we were supposed to kiss it?lol

awells. at least it was the moment i can chill out for a bit and distress?? not. i still have that much to go and im all stressed out. n being all so stressed out doesnt help much except that it builts some sorta wall or barrier that block all the input from going straight to my brain. i need to go for stress management=(

car key masuk the drain!

2009-06-30T22:12:00.000+08:00

and so mr period cramp came to attack me as usual, n i was practically cramping the whole day. took med, put ointment, did everyhthing in my power to counterattack the horrible n unbearable pain. took me so longgggg before i can finally sleep. this period pain seriously has been taking its toll on me coz i even marah the bf sebab kept on calling me just to make sure that i ok ke tak. wth, i know. but wait till u're happen to be in my shoe.

woke up around 9pm after a lot of waking up and getting back to sleep, thanks to the phone calls. tak larat sial sumpah. then decided to force myself to go the nearest shop to get more painkillers and ointment. dint think of eating since takde appetite pon but texted wai kit whether she's dinnering anyway. so happen she's happily in ipoh (yay 4 u babe=D) so, i decided to just go out n tapau something to eat since i dint eat a proper meal the whole day n the day before as well. makanla before gastric strikes me pulak kan. then double d pain ergh i can imagine siall! (been there n it sucks big time)

okay after a lot of shopping, u know all the huge mineral water la milk la bread la, all the stuff which happened to be BANYAK, i wanted to lock my car. imagine this::

with both of my hands occupied with the bloody heavy plastic bags, my handbag on my right, hp on my left hand, i tried to press the remote. n perfect timing, the batt was weak! so i was pressing somewhat felt to be like about 10 times but it still dint work. so i decided to shake and knock the remote (the one people wud normally do if something just doesnt work-get wat i mean???lol) n guess wat??????

the remote part somehow TER- detached from the key part n flew into the big longkang just next to me. the drain is BIG. n kinda DEEP. and DARK..!!!!!

sob

i had to act susah2 put down all my stuff and literally went into the stupid longkang with a torchlight which i borrowed from my landlady and searched for it. GROSS i tell u. super gross.

=(

nothing's ever built to last

2009-06-29T13:26:00.001+08:00

therefore, im leaving this to destiny.

wherever it takes me. we'll see.

always have been and still wondering where are we heading.......it feels so far yet so certain.

pathetic old me

2009-06-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

i have been literally sitting and staring at watever papers in front of me for hours!like since morning untill now which is like almost 4!!!! whatever input that ive been trying to absorb have been useless coz NONE came in my useless brain. here's the thing, the-one-week-left has yet to put a sufficient pressure on my brain to suck in everything. oh brain, please berkerjasama dengan my body.?

ive wasted like the whole week and i dun wanna waste the only one week left=((

can someone with a redundant virus rajin please transfer soome to me??? i reallly, really need that.

='(

virus malas

2009-06-28T12:55:00.000+08:00

there.

i malas okay. one pon i tak start. seriously i need motivation man.

gile babi if i were to screw this one too. nak mati???

haizh. home was so fun. THIS, is not fun anymore.=(

21 guns

2009-06-28T12:20:00.000+08:00

Do you know what’s worth fighting for,
When it’s not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You’re in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

When you’re at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn’t pass
Nothing’s ever built to last
You’re in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it’s time to live and let die
And you can’t get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You’re in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

this is so OE but;

2009-06-19T01:01:00.000+08:00

i soooo miss this dude......

the click five wannabe *wink* (tho i dun agree but watever lol)

i do not .DO NOT. care if u people are saying that this is so OE. all i know is that i just miss this dude. badly.

=(

thanks to the world war 3, ive to postpone the plan. jackass!

its okay.life doesnt end today. hopefully

"im just coincidently falling and im falling hard.=D"

emo-ing.NOT=D

2009-06-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

well. come to think of it, my blog is actually a place for me to let out my anger and be all-emo. i mean most of my post is so......emo-ish?

seriously man. i wanna be like my sis; blog about all the interesting events that happen in life, not giving a shit when im calling her stupid to keep on taking pict of everything and blog about it. but, over and over, i find that its just...not me. i guess im not good with people when it comes to expressing my deepest feeling.hhahah!!! fine.laugh it off. its NOT funnyy.

anyway

lately, ive come to my senses in which it tells me NOT to always emo and keep it to myself. instead, i shud find anyone (the best wud be a stranger) to blurt out everything. the most they can do is, listen which is precisely what i need. yea. that will do=D

btw. im here mainly coz, i CANT freaking sleep!!!i am too-over-super (all.u name it) of the fact that im goin back tomorro! oh gosh i miss home so badly....the place...the food...and the people =(

im a very homey person fine, i know. which explains y am i still in Malaysia when the initial plan was to go abroad yada yada.

watever. as long as im happy.=D

the bad thing is, i prob cant be spending too much time outside since my final is coming and mom will surely nag me kao kao if i merayap.

but dat, doesnt matter. at all. coz, since when i listen to my mom???XD

well. enough of words. see ya when i see ya!=D

"words cant say what love can do=D"

=D

2009-06-17T18:11:00.000+08:00

i am. happy.

i am officially going back and taking few days off after a very long of thinking-deep-and-hard.